Success after so many failures is SOOOO sweet!!

We succeeded at making tasty healthy pizza with no cheese or flour (gluten) tonight. After so many failed attempts at meals the kids will actually eat (and that are nutritionally dynamic) I am so excited pizza was a success! I thought it was doomed when I figured out the $6 of  veggie shreds "cheese" I bought had  casein in it. I am not sure how I missed it! I read the label but after missing dairy and gluten in things a couple of times I have gotten in the habit of double and triple checking ingredients. I am also getting better at remembering the many names every ingredient has. Though I am still thinking I need to make flash cards to really make sure I know it! I rely very much on the "gluten free" "dairy free" statements on products as back up as well as looking at the allergens sometimes listed at the end of ingredient lists. Somehow though I was tricked still. In my defense it was at the end of a very LONG shopping trip. The veggie shreds had a "gluten free" and "lactose free" label on the front. I caught it after already having invested 2 hours into this pizza and it was very tempting to use it but I did not give into the temptation. So I have 2 bags of lactose free cheese that I don't know what to do with. So I continued with the pizza minus "cheese". I put a lot of ingredients into the sauce so I hoped and prayed the sauce could hold it's own and not need cheese but with kids as many people are aware it is all about the marketing. I was really worried that even if the sauce was good the kids would not go for pizza with a very obviously visible missing ingredient. So to try and hide the fact that the cheese was missing I sprinkled dry minced onion on top (for the little white showing affect more than the flavor-maybe they would mistake it for cheese?). I covered it in pepperoni and threw it in the oven. It looked great when I pulled it out and I cut it up and served it. Much to my amazement the kids did not even seem to notice the missing cheese and gobbled it up. As I ate mine I was very pleased with a deep and dynamic flavor all the ingredients came out to make. It was actually really good give me seconds pizza!! Yay! All the failed attempts at an entirely new way of cooking really make the victory so much sweeter! After taking 2 kids to Central Market to get essential ingredients that are an entire page long (for one week of meals) it is so nice to have it work out.
After walking every isle twice in a very crowded store with rude customers (who are completely impatient, lacking grace and easily annoyed by the fact that I have 2 young kids and a big cart and have the nerve to be stopped reading ingredients) it is nice to have a dinner that we can all enjoy. (I had a very intense shopping trip today and I could probably write an entire blog just about how I would never like to do that again! I had many thoughts on sociology and psychology. I would not have choose to take the kids but I have been needing to go for several days and been too busy. What can I say we were out of food and I had to go because I have so much work to get done. The kids were actually pretty well behaved it was the other people that were the problem. I tried really hard to keep a good attitude and I even managed to help a fellow mom not accidentally buy several packs of all natural hot dogs that were expensive and I had noticed expired. There was one moment where I really had to hold back and not ram a lady with my cart or curse her out (or both). I just gritted my teeth and tried to breath until she had passed)

But as far as the pizza I am hoping now that I can make it again and have it come out as good. Since I almost always stray from the recipe I am pretty sure I know about how much of everything I used BUT I did not measure or write it down. Ooops - rookie mistake! I have decided to start blogging the recipes that work (partly for my own reference) and in hopes that it can help someone else.

RECIPE TIME

So the crust was :
Bob's Red Mill Gluten Free (dairy free) Pizza Crust Whole Grain Mix
I followed the instructions on the back which called for warm water, olive oil but I did not use egg (daughter is allergic)
I substituted 2 tablespoons of ground flaxseed mixed with 6 tablespoons of water (for the 2 eggs)
I also let it rise 40 mins instead of 20 and I accidentally put the sauce on before I realized I was suppose to put the crust (alone) in the oven for 7 mins.
I put the crust with sauce in the oven for 7 mins then put the pepperoni and cooked 15 more mins

The sauce was:
Okay so this part will have some guesstimating :) For one thing the beginning of the sauce was left over spaghetti sauce from last night (recipe below)
1 cup meaty spaghetti sauce
1 cup chopped broccoli
1 small can mushrooms
1 can tomato paste
1 tablespoon garlic powder
-I used a food chopper to puree all of these together for a very thick sauce

On top of the sauce I put
2 tablespoons dried minced onion
then covered in gf/cf pepperoni - Apple Gate farms is the only brand I have found with reliable dairy free meats

The Spaghetti sauce was:
1 can Hunts Mushroom Spaghetti sauce
1-2 tablespoon dry sweet basil
1 lb 27/73 ground beef
-obviously we don't worry too much about saturated fat- we hardly eat fat and our son is very thin
The sauce is really greasy so you may not like it for spaghetti (next time I will probably drain it or use ground beef with less fat also if you like it more tomato flavored you could put tomato paste but we don't - we put the sauce on top of gluten free spaghetti)

New diagnosis means life continues to take it's dramatic twists and turns

So much has changed since my last blog! For one thing I am due with our 3rd child in March! Also we recently found out our oldest is EXTREMELY sensitive to gluten (wheat) and dairy. We are very excited and about the baby on the way. It was wanted :) and prayed for. (Though there are dark moments where I think "what in the heck were we thinking?"). I am going to try to have a natural birth and hopefully break this c-section history. I really can't choose to have major surgery with any type of peace. Finding a doctor who would actually allow me to try and have a natural birth was a challenge and I am lucky to have a friend who knew of one! I am blessed to live in a big enough Metro that there is one available. The huge majority of doctors would just require me to schedule surgery at this point (given my history). I am going to try to use hypnobirthing to help me have a good all natural (hopefully) birth experience. I am praying God gives me a good natural birth testimony at the end of it all (even though no matter what happens it will be a testimony to His goodness right?).
As far as the new food sensitivities we have been adjusting (though not easily). This morning I did what I do every morning since we have completely overhauled our eating lifestyle. I stared at the stuff in the fridge and thought do I make pancakes which my kids may refuse to eat or a smoothie they may or may not drink. I had scheduled pancakes but did not feel like making them and then having them refused. Since I have been cooking more in general pancakes have always been a staple in our breakfast, but what has changed is the ingredients that go into those pancakes. A month ago the main ingredient would have been whole wheat. I would have made enough to freeze and last at least 2 weeks. The difference is now the main ingredients are expensive non-gluten grain, fruit and nuts. They are much healthier but they do not last as long and mentally I know that each one has costly ingredients put in it. I used to be perfectly fine throwing away un-eaten pancakes but now instead I make my kids breakfast and wait to eat until they are done to eat what they don't first as my breakfast. I feel it in the pocketbook everytime I throw food away now. Every smoothie that goes un-drunk has a scoop of $20 non-gluten/non-dairy meal supplement in it and expensive probiotic (not to mention nuts and fruit and almond milk). It makes me feel sick to pour them down the sink. Our grocery budget has easily doubled, this past month I would say quadrupled. Our food cost has gone WAY up and our enjoyment of it WAY down. The time I spend a day planning, prepping, cooking has increased. The longer we are eating this way the easier it is becoming though. We are certainly in the thick of it right now since we are still figuring out what the kids will eat and enjoy (and what we like). I have spent more money than I would like to even think about on approved pre-made snacks that are super expensive (and 90% of the time completely gross). It is part of the process of finding what we can eat (enjoyably) so I know that the cost will be less once we nail down what foods we can enjoy (hopefully only doubling our grocery budget). Through this time my husband has been working a lot of overtime and I have been taking all the work I can get. I can't complain because we need the money but it is harder obviously the more time we spend working. We do have to count any extra income as a blessing and it is amazing to me how God provides for us as we need. I know in my work (100% commission) income is completely an act of faith. It is different than when I received a check of the same amount consistently. I can't imagine if we did not have consistency in my husband's check (I am sure I would be a basket case). We have cut back a lot because I am planning to phase out my income in the next 4 months so I can just be mom (hopefully!). With 3 kids 4 and under I am sure there will never be a moment of boredom and more than enough to get done! It is difficult right now because of our budget. I have to schedule all of my work opposite my husbands hours. It saves us some on childcare costs but makes the time we actually all spend together as a family very limited and precious. We are motivated though by the positive changes we have seen in our son and in our health. The dark circles under his eyes are gone, most days he is calmer than he was a month ago, he is not complaining that his stomach hurts constantly, he has grown, he is getting better muscle tone and his stomach isn't bloated looking. It is funny how I did not notice some of those things until they were gone all of a sudden and I realized what I thought was normal was not. He did not look unhealthy to me before but he looks SO much healthier now. It gives me the motherhood guilt. What was I doing to my poor baby his whole life? How was I completely oblivious? With every child a baby is delivered, placenta is delivered and then this huge invisible bunch of guilt is delivered. There is always plenty to feel guilty about and if I didn't already find some things other people are always more than happy to provide me with some. Being a parent is the best gift and the hardest experience of my life. I have been through a lot in my own life but it all for the mostly only affected me. Now I am responsible for these other little humans and everything I do may affect them. Even when I think I am doing good feeding my children whole wheat, lots of calcium rich dairy it can quickly be completely flipped around. All of a sudden in my ignorance I find out I have been feeding my children something toxic (with complete love of course). Adjusting to the new way of eating is hard, spending more money than I would like on groceries might hurt my pocket but more than anything the hardest part of this food and lifestyle change has been the guilt and realization of what we were and were not doing all the way up until now.  When we vaccinated our son and in my soul my intuition was screaming "no don't do it". Guilt. There was no logical reason to not vaccinate. Then seeing him completely go crazy for a couple of days and knowing I should not have done it! God gave us a gift that time by healing him (and forgiving me for not trusting what I knew - even when it was contrary to everything logical). I am believing this new knowledge is a gift as well. It could have easily gone undetected for years causing all types of damage to his organs, tissue, and brain. It is a blessing to know what direction to go and have clarity on what to do. It is wonderful to have an answer to a question even if it is not the answer we wanted (and a question we would not have thought to ask). I can just hope and pray now that God will heal any damage that has been done and continue to remind us that we can have peace even through the storms.

The miracle in the front seat.........

I am more rested than I have been in probably a year but feel completel.y exhausted! I have a sneaking suspicion as to why that may be but will wait for confirmation. Last night I actually nearly 8 hours of sleep. That is MUCH more than I normally get (which I am planning to change). This morning I woke up nauseated and shortly after fulfilled the urge to purge. I was exhausted felt sick and needed to get the kids ready for Mothers Day Out. I considered skipping it today but thought then I will have to watch them all day and feel this way! So I forced myself to get them ready. They refused to eat the pancakes I microwaved and I actually gave in and bribed them to finish getting ready for a breakfast stop for donuts. So then my angels were yelling "donuts, donuts" and being much more cooperative. I was trying to control my tummy and focus on the end goal of getting my kiddos to a place where someone else could watch them! Yay for that! I drove them to school and they ate their donuts. I kept the windows down to try and feel better and stay awake. I put on some praise and worship and sang in an attempt to keep my mind off how I was feeling. FINALLY we arrived at their school and I got them in their classes. Mission Accomplished!! As I was driving home  so very excited by the idea of laying down I started getting very tired. I had drank a cup of coffee to try and wake up. (That is ussually very effective). As I was driving on a small highway with no feeder road I could not hold my eyes open.
I thought what do I do. I was surrounded by fields and home was still a good 10 minutes away and there was no where to stop. I was in a bit of a panic. I just could not hold my eyes open. I started praying that God would just get me to a safe place to rest. I was seriously praying that I would not just fall asleep right then. All of a sudden I felt Gods very presence in the car with me much to my amazement. It was as if someone grabbed my hands and opened my eyes and started driving for me. I rarely feel overwhelmed by Gods presence like that when I am alone (it is ussually durring a time of community worship or praying with someone). The times I have felt it while alone it was breif maybe to confirm something or point me a certain direction or comfort me. This time it stayed for a long time! I believe that it actaully brought me safely home today. I know that sounds completely crazy and I really considered whether or not to share it but I do believe God performed a miracle today and I am so incredibly thankfull. When I finally arrived home I passed out so quickly that I forgot about the chicken my husband put out to defrost at 4:30am. Luckily when I awoke many hours later I cooked it immediately. I only say that to tell how tired I really was when I stepped out of the car. What is so incredible is that last 10 minutes of driving I did not think about how tired I was. It was as if for a very short time I was wide awake but not driving alone but being driven through. It is crazy to even think about it now. I was completely helpless and suddenly completely helped! I hope that telling about it can bring Glory to my heavenly Father!

Why is the milk in the pantry and the nutmeg in the fridge?

A lot has been happening in my world funny how when the most is happening I tend to document the least. Our entire life is changing in one aspect and we have felt called to uproot (at least for the time being) from a part of our life that has been front and center for so long. We also went several months without eating out and I think that experience had a huge mental effect on me. As of this moment our fridge is full of left overs and there are plenty of ingredients for making several more meals from scratch. If I could get a time machine and bring myself to this house from 4 years ago and say just fix yourself something I am pretty sure the old me would just stand staring at a fridge and pantry full of ingredients and say "there isnt anything to eat here". Which translates to there is nothing I can throw in the microwave or open a plastic package. So I have grown in my domestic abilities, which is not to say that I have mastered being domestic by any means but I am a little more comfortable with it. I still do a terrible job keeping the house clean, heck I am lucky to keep it picked up. It is still a overwhelming and daunting task. I am  blessed to have a husband who does not believe all the house work is "my job" and has always been great in contributing to housework. I wouldn't have married someone who valued a spouse as a housekeeper because automatically I would have been of little value.  My personal theory as to why I suck at housework is that I am too ADD to ever master a task that requires long time focus and concentration. Even when I am rushed in a frenzy trying to clean before someone comes over I get very easily side tracked. Then throw 2 kids in diapers in the mix and I am clueless how anyone does it. I am not a great multi-tasker and I am not good at finishing what I start (if I get side tracked). For example the ketchup sat out on the table for 5 hours today after lunch because I got distracted with helping my son use the potty. Since I went in there to do that I got the baby out of the highchair and brought her. I never remembered and went back to the table to clean up our lunch mess because we moved on to something else. I forgot that was not all formally wrapped up. So 5 hours later I am about to serve dinner and realize lunch is still out including (but not limmited to) the ketchup. I could seriously use someone to just follow me around for a few months teaching me to be more oraganized and consistant in my thought life. I know I haven't always been so flakey and it deffinitely got magnified and amplified after kids, but I hope I get it more in check when I am less sleep deprived. I was talking with a friend not long ago about how to kill time when getting bored and I realized I don't remember the last time I was truly bored. Many years ago for sure. I don't remember a time since we have had kids that I have felt like everything is done. There are always a pretty long list of things to be done now a days. If I am ever just killing time doing something unimportant it is because I am procrastinating the inevitable to do for the moment or I just need a mental break. I just need to embrace my new flakey self and give myself a break because at times nobody else will.  I would like to believe most people are as forgiving of flakiness and forgetfulness as I try to be but I know a lot of people aren't and take it as a very personal offense when people forget (especially if it affects them). So I can at least try to be easier on myself and others(even if other people aren't going to be). Motherhood is just plain hard work and the sleep deprevation definately takes it's toll eventually. I think people forget or other women think we shold all handle it as gracefully and great as they do. I think they just have forgotten because they are already out of the early diaper years. Also I know some women are just stronger at that aspect of life than others. So if the world will not give me grace at least I know I have a God who does and if he can then I should try too. This is not self help or improvement. Sometimes all that is needed is a little dose of self acceptance. This is on my mind mostly because I have not slept well for a couple of days because I have been up with a sick baby and my husband is out of town for work so I have been going solo. As I looked around the messy house, exhausted, I started cleaning and thought I just want to sleep. Then decided that is what I would do and cleaning would haved to wait for a calmer more rested time. I decieded I better make an attempt at a blog entry since I have neglected doing it for so long.