New diagnosis means life continues to take it's dramatic twists and turns

So much has changed since my last blog! For one thing I am due with our 3rd child in March! Also we recently found out our oldest is EXTREMELY sensitive to gluten (wheat) and dairy. We are very excited and about the baby on the way. It was wanted :) and prayed for. (Though there are dark moments where I think "what in the heck were we thinking?"). I am going to try to have a natural birth and hopefully break this c-section history. I really can't choose to have major surgery with any type of peace. Finding a doctor who would actually allow me to try and have a natural birth was a challenge and I am lucky to have a friend who knew of one! I am blessed to live in a big enough Metro that there is one available. The huge majority of doctors would just require me to schedule surgery at this point (given my history). I am going to try to use hypnobirthing to help me have a good all natural (hopefully) birth experience. I am praying God gives me a good natural birth testimony at the end of it all (even though no matter what happens it will be a testimony to His goodness right?).
As far as the new food sensitivities we have been adjusting (though not easily). This morning I did what I do every morning since we have completely overhauled our eating lifestyle. I stared at the stuff in the fridge and thought do I make pancakes which my kids may refuse to eat or a smoothie they may or may not drink. I had scheduled pancakes but did not feel like making them and then having them refused. Since I have been cooking more in general pancakes have always been a staple in our breakfast, but what has changed is the ingredients that go into those pancakes. A month ago the main ingredient would have been whole wheat. I would have made enough to freeze and last at least 2 weeks. The difference is now the main ingredients are expensive non-gluten grain, fruit and nuts. They are much healthier but they do not last as long and mentally I know that each one has costly ingredients put in it. I used to be perfectly fine throwing away un-eaten pancakes but now instead I make my kids breakfast and wait to eat until they are done to eat what they don't first as my breakfast. I feel it in the pocketbook everytime I throw food away now. Every smoothie that goes un-drunk has a scoop of $20 non-gluten/non-dairy meal supplement in it and expensive probiotic (not to mention nuts and fruit and almond milk). It makes me feel sick to pour them down the sink. Our grocery budget has easily doubled, this past month I would say quadrupled. Our food cost has gone WAY up and our enjoyment of it WAY down. The time I spend a day planning, prepping, cooking has increased. The longer we are eating this way the easier it is becoming though. We are certainly in the thick of it right now since we are still figuring out what the kids will eat and enjoy (and what we like). I have spent more money than I would like to even think about on approved pre-made snacks that are super expensive (and 90% of the time completely gross). It is part of the process of finding what we can eat (enjoyably) so I know that the cost will be less once we nail down what foods we can enjoy (hopefully only doubling our grocery budget). Through this time my husband has been working a lot of overtime and I have been taking all the work I can get. I can't complain because we need the money but it is harder obviously the more time we spend working. We do have to count any extra income as a blessing and it is amazing to me how God provides for us as we need. I know in my work (100% commission) income is completely an act of faith. It is different than when I received a check of the same amount consistently. I can't imagine if we did not have consistency in my husband's check (I am sure I would be a basket case). We have cut back a lot because I am planning to phase out my income in the next 4 months so I can just be mom (hopefully!). With 3 kids 4 and under I am sure there will never be a moment of boredom and more than enough to get done! It is difficult right now because of our budget. I have to schedule all of my work opposite my husbands hours. It saves us some on childcare costs but makes the time we actually all spend together as a family very limited and precious. We are motivated though by the positive changes we have seen in our son and in our health. The dark circles under his eyes are gone, most days he is calmer than he was a month ago, he is not complaining that his stomach hurts constantly, he has grown, he is getting better muscle tone and his stomach isn't bloated looking. It is funny how I did not notice some of those things until they were gone all of a sudden and I realized what I thought was normal was not. He did not look unhealthy to me before but he looks SO much healthier now. It gives me the motherhood guilt. What was I doing to my poor baby his whole life? How was I completely oblivious? With every child a baby is delivered, placenta is delivered and then this huge invisible bunch of guilt is delivered. There is always plenty to feel guilty about and if I didn't already find some things other people are always more than happy to provide me with some. Being a parent is the best gift and the hardest experience of my life. I have been through a lot in my own life but it all for the mostly only affected me. Now I am responsible for these other little humans and everything I do may affect them. Even when I think I am doing good feeding my children whole wheat, lots of calcium rich dairy it can quickly be completely flipped around. All of a sudden in my ignorance I find out I have been feeding my children something toxic (with complete love of course). Adjusting to the new way of eating is hard, spending more money than I would like on groceries might hurt my pocket but more than anything the hardest part of this food and lifestyle change has been the guilt and realization of what we were and were not doing all the way up until now.  When we vaccinated our son and in my soul my intuition was screaming "no don't do it". Guilt. There was no logical reason to not vaccinate. Then seeing him completely go crazy for a couple of days and knowing I should not have done it! God gave us a gift that time by healing him (and forgiving me for not trusting what I knew - even when it was contrary to everything logical). I am believing this new knowledge is a gift as well. It could have easily gone undetected for years causing all types of damage to his organs, tissue, and brain. It is a blessing to know what direction to go and have clarity on what to do. It is wonderful to have an answer to a question even if it is not the answer we wanted (and a question we would not have thought to ask). I can just hope and pray now that God will heal any damage that has been done and continue to remind us that we can have peace even through the storms.