The cop made me cry

Or maybe it was just the last straw on a day that was rapidly spiraling downward. Ugg.. I am tired. I committed to writing a blog (even if no one reads it). So hear I am. I know my child should listen to me based on the respect and honor he holds for me, but today listened to me out of fear (because I yelled). I am usually pretty good about keeping my cool. I try to not be influenced by my 2 year old loosing control of his emotions and to stay positive and calm. Today he broke me. I lost it. Standing outside of my house trying to get him in his car seat. We had already had a very hard morning and my hormones have been going nuts, and I was exhausted. He was refusing to get in the car and when he did ran all around it playing a game of mommy can't catch me. I grabbed him put him in the seat and said "ut oh you are not listening you need to sit down". Of course he screamed "I don't want to listen!" as he arched his back and bucked and twisted out of my grip (and out of his carseat). Then I just lost my cool and in two year old fashion screamed back in a very loud mean voice "You better stay in your car seat" as I tried to use my 100 pounds to actually keep him there. Instantly he got this look of fear (and stopped crying for a few seconds). As I buckled him in he cried "no yelling mommy" (and kept kicking and screaming) then I turned to see a neighbor staring at me in as they had been going by on a walk. Awesome. I drove off thinking 'Were they mortified that I screamed in my 2 year olds face or were they enjoying watching a grown woman wrestle a 2 year old into a car seat (or both)'. As my toddler gets older it does get easier because he can be reasoned with and learn to cope with emotions. Also comprehension is better. Today was just an unusually difficult day. It started off on a wrong foot and we were tired. My beautiful 2 year old came in this morning to wake me up and said "I am hungry". We have a chart we follow and so I went and got it. I explained we would eat breakfast after we go potty or get a clean diaper (as we do everyday) and he LOST it. Full blow tantrum. Arm flailing, legs kicking, screaming, crying, the works! "No potty, no diaper" over and over again. Keeping my mommy cool I said "okay well when you are calm tell mommy and we will have breakfast after you go potty. He threw a fit for a good 5 minutes. Then calmed down walked to the living room and said he needed help with his pajamas so he could go potty. I helped him and he skipped (no joke) to the restroom all happy, looked at the potty and lost it. "I don't want to go potty!" Full blow tantrum in the hallway. Kicking the wall the works. Now at this point I know he is hungry and cranky. Normally would not put up with kicking of the walls but decide to pretend not to notice as I walk off and tell him 'after you are calm and go potty we can have breakfast'. I only thought the tantrum couldn't get worse until I said that. Whoa! Somebody call and exorcist! Arching back kicking, banging his head on the floor, flailing, blood curdling noise flying out. (Of course I am talking to the baby pretending to not acknowledge this outrageous tantrum (over nothing?)). I want to reassure him that everything is okay. So we are sitting 10 feet away and I am telling my baby 'oh I love your bubba, I have no idea what he is saying because he is not calm, he is so sweet when he is not crying and I can hear what he is saying'. Tantrum continues for at least 10 more minutes. Long enough to make coffee, give the baby some breakfast, and eat a tortilla with butter. So long that it was disturbing. Finally I don't think he is mentally at a point where he is going to calm himself down and the tantrum hasn't died down at all. I go in the hall pick him up (flailing and all) and start reminding him to breathe (because I am really feeling he is too worked up). I start breathing deep and after about 30 seconds of resisting (and an unintentional head butt to the face) he finally collapses into me and hugs me while he starts calming down (still a full cry though). I hug him and tell him I love him. Dirty soggy diaper, naked otherwise, I walk him to the kitchen and sit him down to eat breakfast. Normally (not always) I give him a choice (if we have more than one thing) of two things for breakfast. If he has already cried by breakfast then I don't because it tend to set him off, also it is a privilege to pick breakfast. So I play it safe and make him his favorite breakfast food a bagel. He see that I am making a bagel and starts screaming 'I don't want a bagel!! NO BAGEL' as he climbs down from his chair and runs to my feet to start crying (what the heck has gotten into him!). So I breathe and say "oh this is mommies’ bagel, do you want a muffin or bagel for breakfast" (I am thinking he is probably upset because I didn't let him choose). He screams "I don't want anything" and starts hitting me. Hitting is under no circumstances acceptable and if ever anything justifies a spanking it is intentional violence. I try to go a little easy because he has not eaten and had a rough morning and is not coping well (obviously). I take him to his room for timeout and tell him he can come out as soon as he stops crying. (Did I mention the going limp then flailing as I carried him to his room). I am exhausted at this point as is he. Oh and I am trying to watch my fearless and curious 10 month old. So I go for my emergency back up plan and turn on Sesame Street. He is screaming in his room and comes running out to the sound of the music and cries "NO SESAME STREET!!!" Turns off the TV and knocks over his sister. I say "ut oh that was not sweet" and carry my tantruming, flailing child back to his room. (I can not ignore pushing right). He is loosing it (this is the endless tantrum from hell!). He continues to loose it for a good 20 minutes (still naked and in a soggy diaper). I use this time to get dressed and change the baby for a second time (she is almost always in a constant state of happiness unless she is hungry or tired, her dad's personality-God had mercy on me). Finally cookie monster starts singing the cookie song and my toddler still crying comes out of his room to check it out. I have his bagel at the kitchen table and wait for him to calm down then tell him I have bagels on the table. He has stopped crying. Looks at me walks over to the table and with that stubborn rebellious whatever the consequence I will win attitude throws the bagels to the wall which bounce off and hit the floor and says in a very defiant tone "No bagels". Really?? Oh my gosh! I have to discipline him for that right. I would love to just ignore it but he is trying to test me and we of course can not allow throwing food. Also that tone he used he might as well have told me with explicative in the middle. Ugg.. "Ut oh that is so sad. We don't throw food and make messes in our house". I haven't even made it to him before he is again in a full tantrum. Exhausted I drag/carry him to his room. I tell him to stay in his room until he is ready to follow the house rules (posted in his room and through out the house). [1.Be sweet 2.No mess making 3.Listen to Mommy and Daddy 4.Help others] He can pretend to read them to me (correctly) so I know he knows them. Tantrum last a good 20 minutes. Elmos World comes on and that gets his interest. He walks out crying. I have decided to avoid any further battles because he is hungry which makes him cranky. I put the bagels on a plate on the couch with a drink. I don't mention it and let him finish watching the end of Sesame Street. I figure if he notices and is hungry enough they are there. He stops crying. Sesame street ends and I tell the baby "look there is a plate on the couch". He looks over there climbs on the couch , tells his sister "this is my plate!" and starts eating. In retro spec maybe he won that battle? At least I finally got him to eat (an hour and a half later). When he finished eating I HAD to get that diaper off. I told him "I need to change your diaper" he told me "NO I want to keep my diaper" (of course). So like a band aid I went and ripped it off really fast and wiped. Guess what time it was. Naked tantrum time. I let him tantrum for a while until he started gagging. At which point I sat next to him and held him close and "shuuushed" him kicking and screaming until he just turned into me and started catching his breath. Finally he was calm. I carried him to the couch and sat with him. We were supposed to be visiting a friend for a play date but were no where close to being ready. I packed the diaper bag, found the keys, and asked him if he wanted to go see his friend. I was actually surprised when he said no. Getting the diaper on and clothes on were there own battles. I did a good job keeping cool until the car when I finally yelled at him (I don't know if I have ever done that). The worst part I guess is that it worked. Play date went well until he went #2 in his diaper and I tried to change him. He was fighting and tantruming. Nothing like wrestling a child with poop and trying to not let it get anywhere, hold him still and wipe him. So we left. He tantrumed all the way to the car, to his seat, while I buckled him, while we drove. He was upset we left (I told him if he didn’t lie down and let me change him we would have to leave). When we got home he refused to get out of his car seat and buckled himself back up! I was exhausted and said "okay you want to stay in the car, we are going inside" and walked in the door (left the car door and house door open). I watched him through the blinds and after about a minute his tantrum changed to "I want to go inside". I smiled, at least I can get some entertainment out of this- one point for mom. I asked him if he would stop crying, and he tried to stop and say yes. I asked him if he would be sweet and listen to mommy. He said "I sweet, I listen" as he was catching his breathes. So something was out of whack today. The baby stayed up trough the whole first nap time and come 2nd nap time both were still going strong. So after lunch instead of having another battle with nap time I decided to go run errands and give them an opportunity to rest on a nice boring drive to the bank and to donate at Goodwill. The baby fell asleep. I went to the bank. Toddler still going strong and talking a million miles a minute. I stopped in a parking lot and checked face book, my email, said a prayer, and looked up goodwill on the gps. Toddler realizes we have been stopped for a while "Mommy why you stop. Keep driving mommy. Where we going? Where next?". "We are going to donate some things and then home. Mommy had to stop to get directions". "I am thirsty mommy" oh no I did not bring a sippy cup. duh. I thought surely with all the crying he would go right to sleep. We just ate lunch and he drank plenty. "We will get a drink when we get home sweetie in just a little bit" "but mommy stop and get juice and a HOTDOG" as we drive by Sonic. ugg have I really stopped there enough for him to know they have apple juice and a hotdog. Bad mommy. "Sweetie we will get food and a drink when we get back home". Phone rings. It is my friend from bible study. I should take it and see if we are still meeting tonight. I take the call. Up ahead is flashing yellow lights. School Zone. I slow down. It is not 2:30 yet is it why is it already flashing. Get a bad feeling. Look in the rear view. I am being pulled over. Fantastic. Fits pretty well with how my day has gone. I wasn't speeding. What the heck!


"gotta let you go I am getting a ticket"


Toddler "Don't stop mommy. Do you need gas mommy? (Pulled in a gas station)"


Dig for driver’s license and insurance.


"Do you know why I pulled you over ma'am?"


"Is that a police man mommy?"


"Actually I was not sure why."


"Look Mommy IT'S a POLICE MAN at your widow"(pure joy)


"Ma'am it is against the law to drive in a school zone and use a cellular device and I witnessed you using you cell phone"


"Really?? I didn't know that was against the law?" (I really didn't!)


"Yes ma'am and I will have to give you a ticket because we have absolutely zero tolerance for this sort of thing. It is a safety issue"


ugg. I just got deferred adjudication on a ticket for speeding a couple of months ago. 40 in a 30. (I was lost and didn't know the speed limit so I was trying to hang with traffic and it wasn't residential but rural). I realize insurance premiums will be arising, and I will now have a ticket on my record. ugg. I wanted to ask him if this is considered a moving violation when he walked back to my window with the ticket. Since I was on the verge of tears though I decided to just Google it later. He drove off and I was upset. I drove around the back of the station towards an exit and just barely missed running head on into someone else taking the corner around the building too fast. The adrenaline rush must have put me over the top. I lost it and started crying. Parked the car.


"Why are you crying mommy? Are you sad?"


"Yes sweetie"


"Why mommy?" (Maybe it is not a good idea to tell him the policeman made me sad, I want him to honor and trust them)


"Mommy is just really tired and needs a nap sweetie"


Better suck it up and keep driving. Pray a little. Breathe a lot. Back towards Goodwill. Drop stuff off. Man tries to be as nice as he can. Ask me if I want a receipt or if he can help me in anyway several times. Must be obvious that I have been crying. Toddler still wide awake.


"I am thirsty and hungry mommy"


Driving home he sees a Sonic in the distance.


"Can you get me apple juice mommy?" oh what the heck it is half price happy hour


Pull in.


"Yay! I am happy we get apple juice and a hotdog mommy! Do you want apple juice and a hotdog too?"


Hotdog??? I didn't agree to that. I can't argue anymore. I feel beat. "No mommy doesn't want a hotdog sweetie"


"You don't want to eat a hotdog too mommy?"


"No. thank you sweetie"


Never did take a nap but was happy most the rest of the day. More PBS when we got home. I was too tired for anything else. Thank goodness tomorrow is a fresh new day. Watching our parenting video or reading a book may need to get prioritized on my To Do list again soon.


Morning is not my preferred time to have issues. I am not a morning person and my son takes a lot after me. I am thinking of removing potty as the first thing we do to avoid morning melt downs as we get started. I could put it after breakfast but he usually needs to go first thing and we are trying to encourage potty training. It would help avoid some early morning battles though. Any thoughts?